If you’re like me — and if you are, you should be frightened, but that’s beside the point — you likely get spam in your email box. I seem to get about two messages a day. If I had a Viagra for every bit of spam offering cheap Viagra to me, I’d have…well, I’d have a shit ton of Viagra. I’ve also been informed, numerous times, about magic penis pills. I almost replied to one of those, because I really wanted to know about a magic penis. However, I was just content to visualize Harry Potter waving one around like a wand.

Sometimes I’m lucky enough to be offered copious amounts of money from nice princes in Nigeria who just happen to trust me with their riches and will reward me handsomely. By this point, I have to wonder if these scams still work. Do people fall for them so often that they’re still viable? At least one reverse scam site and one epic prank exist, yet these emails still show up. Today, I received such an email and was feeling saucy, so I decided to reply. Here’s the exchange.

From “The Bank”

International Settlement Dept.
Banque Internationale du Benin
24hrs VISA ATM Service
ATM Card Number: 4061730455000133

Dear Beneficiary,

Having reviewed all the obstacles and problems surrounding the transfer of Your fund ($2. 5 Million) Two Million Five Hundred United States Dollars and your inability to meet up with some charges levied against you due to the Past transfer options, we the Board of Directors, Banque Internationale du Benin (BIB) have Ordered our Foreign Payment Remittance Unit to issue you a VISA ATM CARD where Your payment will be uploaded.

Today, we got the notice that your Payment has been uploaded into this VISA ATM CARD and also have registered it with TNT INTERNATIONAL. For your information, the delivery charges have been paid and they are supposed to have shipped your packaged (ATM CARD) but they insisted that you must re-confirm to them your current delivery address to ensure accurate delivery.

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Due to the content of the package, TNT INTERNATIONAL mandated that before your package will be shipped; a Stamp Duty MUST be procured according to the new Shipping Creed on all packages leaving this Benin. The essence of such Document is to ensure a hitch-free delivery and the amount Of the Stamp Duty Fee is Ђ200 Euro. When this is done, TNT International will issue you with the tracking numbers for you to keep track of your delivery status.

Therefore reconfirm your current delivery address. Do not forget that this Ђ200 Euro is all that you should send to them, the rest of the Fees have been paid. Finally, for security reasons and considering the huge amount the ATM VISA Card contains, the Package was coded thus,Registration Ref:TNT/ATM/10. This is the code number that you will send to the courier company while contacting them.

The Information of the courier company is here-by given below, and re-confirm to them your current delivery addresses to ensure accurate delivery. 1. Your full name: 2. Your physical address: 3. Your house phone: 4. Your cell phone:

TNT INTERNATIONAL EXPRESS
Mr. Michael Dean
Email:  tnt.expressinternational2012@

yahoo.in
Email:  tntinternationalexpress@yahoo.es
TEL: +229-6807-9889
cell phone: +229-6740-3002

Please hurry now as your package might incurs demur-rage if it stays more Than 4 days with TNT Express.

Thanks,
Mrs. Patricia Ehiosun
ATM VISA CARD Department
Banque International du Benin
bbanqueinternationaldubenin@yahoo.es

My Reply

Wow…you mean a bank, with which I’ve never had contact, is loading up an ATM Visa card with $2.5 million? For me? How could I be so lucky? And you’re saying all I have to do is send roughly $250 dollars to TNT International Express within four days or my package will become demur-aged? That sounds bad. I shouldn’t let that happen. No way!

Sadly, I do not have $250 to wire across continents. However, I’m expecting an ATM Visa card loaded with $2.5 million. Please instruct the Banque International du Benin to pay this fee, which should be nominal for a bank, and then have them deduct the 200 Euros from the $2.5 million with which they are loading the card. When TNT receives this fee, please contact me for the information you need to send the ATM, now worth $2,499,750. I just can’t believe I’m this lucky!

Kisses!
J. Roger Beneficiary

I’m sure my ATM card will arrive any day now.